I found myself longing for a whole bunch of things when I was really busy - and by busy I mean that I had a full schedule with work, and I had over booked myself with social happenings, and by the time I felt like I had time to do the other things that I had been longing to do, I was too tired to do them or by the time I can it is one in the morning. Once I get overwhelmed for long enough I created a lot of space, and it turns out, even when I have the time, I don't do those things either. Then I get bored, and then I super over do it again, then I get overwhelmed, then I create space...
This is a common thing for me, I have been going around this roller coaster for a while now and the ride seems to be getting shorter as I become more aware of what is happening in my life, and the underlying reasons of why I am doing what I am doing to myself.
The first question is usually around if I really wanted to do these things I would clearly do them, so maybe I need to re-evaluate what it really is that I want to do. I assure you I have done this and I really want to do them. The things that I long for are a deeper spiritual practice, so more time in meditation, more time writing, more time reading, and contemplating. Also taking care of my body better, sleeping more, having a nap, going for a walk, doing yoga.
When I do have down time, I really am tired, and I really want to do nothing for a short period of time, which is important for me to know and do. Once I am feeling more energetic and feel like I can start doing more, my habit is to do what I have always done, and go through life on autopilot, so I reach out to the people I love spending time with and then I go through the same cycle. Now I know that I need to pay attention to what it is that I want to do when I am really busy, and write those things down so I have a list to easily get to when I am not sure what I should be doing with my time, and I don't get caught up with the thinking or debating about it, or the not knowing what it is that I even want.
The other lovely piece to this puzzle is the fact that I like to have the external world help me to feel important (Belief of: if I am really busy clearly it means I must be important). Again, I am learning and trying my best to get off this ride too. Knowing this is wonderful, because it tells me that the internal part of me, doesn't really feel that important, and more importantly I have a false belief that is running things that says taking care of me is less important than taking care of others. Being someone who is in a position to care for others as a way of contributing to the world and helping other people, it makes sense that it is in there, it just needed to be re-calibrated a bit, which I do through energy work and meditation.
Now my belief is that I and Others are equal in importance of being cared for. It is important for me to support this new belief as well so it actually takes hold and becomes true. I have written my list of what I want to do when I feel bored, and I have enough things on there that I can still feel like I have plenty to choose from, and I have placed it where I can see it All.The.Time. This way my mind will start incorporating it and thinking about it instead of being on autopilot.
Thursday 18 February 2016
Thursday 21 January 2016
You My Dear, Are Your Purpose
A lot of people are searching for their singular purpose like it is a magical unicorn. With the hopes that when you find it, you will get the keys to the kingdom, all the wealth in the world will be yours, all of your challenges will cease to exist, and all will be well so you can retire and stop doing what you don’t want to, and live out your days in a blissful existence. This unicorn searching helps us to figure out what work we need to do to get us there, we start off with one concept or idea, then it turns into doing that work, then that other work, then this new work, never knowing which one is the best one to be doing or not doing. Confusing right? Do you meditate? Say affirmations? Spin in clockwise circles 16 times in a row? Follow Deepak or Louise? At some point someone you know has done something that has been labelled ‘The Work’ and has garnered them some level of success, so you will for sure try that out right? Because at some point ‘the work’ has got to work! It should be giving you positive results, you should feel better almost immediately, money should certainly show up in your bank account by the end of the day, you should be walking around like that blissed out hippy chick that you saw the other day, you should totally meet that really amazing guy who has all of the qualities off of your really amazing guy you’re manifesting list, your dream job should become apparent and the universe will bring you a job offer right away right?
So why isn’t it? Why don’t you have those things? Are you worried you’ve done it all wrong and the universe just isn’t listening because you’ve asked for something you don’t want instead of something you do? I’ve been there too, it’s all part of it. It’s not bad or wrong to have those desires, I know you want all of those things, because I want them too, you aren’t human if you aren’t striving for or desiring them. But here’s the secret, the work isn’t about getting stuff or things, purpose isn’t about finding the most acceptable way to make money, having all of those external things in perfect place and order won’t bring you the fulfillment that you are actually seeking.
You, my dear, are the work. You are your purpose. Say it with me now, I am the work. I am my purpose.
What if your purpose was you? What if it was to uncover who you are, so that you may be your unique self and bring your ideas, perspective, and way of living, being and loving into the world? What if it was about BEING YOU INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE? What if your work was about you deciding how you want to be in the world? Does being a vegetarian work for you? If it does, great do that, if not, eat all the meat you want but do so without feeling guilty for who you are. Does sleeping until 10 am appeal? Or are you the 5 am rise and shine kind of person? Do which ever time feels good to you.
You will never fit into someone else’s ideal life plan so stop trying to fit their life plan into yours. Instead, take what they do that appeals to you, then figure out how to modify it so it feels good to you, then do that.
Devoting yourself to yourself is hard, it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, it creates situations and new challenges that often don’t feel good or fun, but it is the only way to get to the wise and unconditionally loving part of who you are. Happiness and abundance can be a by-product of this, but it is not the way to measure the result. It also isn’t about finding the career that fulfills you, it’s about finding out how to feel fulfilled in life, it may require a job or lifestyle change, it may require you to find fulfillment in the job or life you didn’t think you liked all that much.
The external world is here to challenge you, to teach you the most beautifully profound lessons that are sometimes wrapped in the ugliest wrapping paper, and to show you where you are not in alignment with yourself. It isn’t here to tell you what your worth is or is not, or how much you are loved, the more we work to have the external world validate us by bringing us shiny pretty things or fleeting happy feelings the further away from fulfillment we get. The trick is to begin focusing on the internal you, and seeking the validation from the inside instead of outside, we do this by becoming the work.
I am the work. The work is my purpose.
So why isn’t it? Why don’t you have those things? Are you worried you’ve done it all wrong and the universe just isn’t listening because you’ve asked for something you don’t want instead of something you do? I’ve been there too, it’s all part of it. It’s not bad or wrong to have those desires, I know you want all of those things, because I want them too, you aren’t human if you aren’t striving for or desiring them. But here’s the secret, the work isn’t about getting stuff or things, purpose isn’t about finding the most acceptable way to make money, having all of those external things in perfect place and order won’t bring you the fulfillment that you are actually seeking.
You, my dear, are the work. You are your purpose. Say it with me now, I am the work. I am my purpose.
What if your purpose was you? What if it was to uncover who you are, so that you may be your unique self and bring your ideas, perspective, and way of living, being and loving into the world? What if it was about BEING YOU INSTEAD OF DOING WHAT OTHERS HAVE DONE? What if your work was about you deciding how you want to be in the world? Does being a vegetarian work for you? If it does, great do that, if not, eat all the meat you want but do so without feeling guilty for who you are. Does sleeping until 10 am appeal? Or are you the 5 am rise and shine kind of person? Do which ever time feels good to you.
You will never fit into someone else’s ideal life plan so stop trying to fit their life plan into yours. Instead, take what they do that appeals to you, then figure out how to modify it so it feels good to you, then do that.
Devoting yourself to yourself is hard, it’s messy, it’s uncomfortable, it creates situations and new challenges that often don’t feel good or fun, but it is the only way to get to the wise and unconditionally loving part of who you are. Happiness and abundance can be a by-product of this, but it is not the way to measure the result. It also isn’t about finding the career that fulfills you, it’s about finding out how to feel fulfilled in life, it may require a job or lifestyle change, it may require you to find fulfillment in the job or life you didn’t think you liked all that much.
The external world is here to challenge you, to teach you the most beautifully profound lessons that are sometimes wrapped in the ugliest wrapping paper, and to show you where you are not in alignment with yourself. It isn’t here to tell you what your worth is or is not, or how much you are loved, the more we work to have the external world validate us by bringing us shiny pretty things or fleeting happy feelings the further away from fulfillment we get. The trick is to begin focusing on the internal you, and seeking the validation from the inside instead of outside, we do this by becoming the work.
I am the work. The work is my purpose.
The Universe Isn't Dumb - the hidden challenges of manifesting and affirmations
I could have phrased the title of this post as The Universe
Is Smart, but I didn’t for good reason, it’s because the universe speaks in
energy not in language. There is a lot of fears wrapped up in saying the wrong
thing to the universe, and if we say the wrong thing, the universe won’t
understand what we mean and will bring us the wrong thing, experience, person
etc.
We’ve been taught or told that the universe doesn’t
understand or hear ‘negative’ words like don’t, won’t, and never, but that is
likening the universe to a human and diminishing what we believe the universe
can do. Think about it, if you thought the universe didn’t really understand
you would you have faith that it would be able to do anything for you? Probably
not. If you believed that it was wise beyond your imagination could even grasp,
that it worked on your behalf in ways you don’t even know about, that it
understood exactly what you meant, and is always working to create experiences
for your highest good would you have more faith in it?
We have a bit of an assumption that negative things are
punishment for something that we have done, and the universe bringing us the
exact experience we don’t want, leads us to believe that we are being punished,
so we try to take ownership of the asking instead of the experience. We hope
that if we change the way we ask for something it will change what our
experience is.
The truth is, the experience is where the wisdom is, the experience is what we need, and if we think we haven’t received what we’ve asked for, we are looking in the wrong spot. In the movie Evan Almighty there is a scene where Morgan Freeman tells Lauren Graham “when you pray for patience, do you think God brings you patience, or the opportunity to practice patience?” If you want to learn how to be a patient person, you will have to learn how to put it into practice at the times when you are the most impatient. Often when we decide we want to work on something, we will find those challenging experiences coming into our lives way more frequently than before. That’s the way we learn. We learned how to walk by walking, and guaranteed there was falling, getting back up, re-calibrating and deciding how to do it differently, and going at it again. So instead of making the universe wrong for what it has provided or yourself wrong by how you asked, figure out how the universe has decided to help you.
The truth is, the experience is where the wisdom is, the experience is what we need, and if we think we haven’t received what we’ve asked for, we are looking in the wrong spot. In the movie Evan Almighty there is a scene where Morgan Freeman tells Lauren Graham “when you pray for patience, do you think God brings you patience, or the opportunity to practice patience?” If you want to learn how to be a patient person, you will have to learn how to put it into practice at the times when you are the most impatient. Often when we decide we want to work on something, we will find those challenging experiences coming into our lives way more frequently than before. That’s the way we learn. We learned how to walk by walking, and guaranteed there was falling, getting back up, re-calibrating and deciding how to do it differently, and going at it again. So instead of making the universe wrong for what it has provided or yourself wrong by how you asked, figure out how the universe has decided to help you.
The other aspect of this is in affirmations. We try to
change our energy and vibration to match what we want to bring into our lives
which is a great idea, but to put it into practice requires more than just
saying a phrase that sounds good. We have to be able to find the right
statement that brings us a feeling that matches it, instead of using it to
combat fear when we are feeling fearful. Using affirmations that are
pre-written can be a great place to start, but it is really important to craft
it to you, if there are words that don’t quite resonate and bring up the
feeling of disbelief, this will not help you. If you want more money, saying I
am rich while you have $0.02 in your bank account won’t work either, because
you know what you actually have. It isn’t necessary to go from 0-100, from
where you are to where you want to be in the end, you can start out with the
desire to be rich, and begin an affirmation with I am aligning with receiving more
money for my highest good, or I am no longer suffering financially, and as it
starts to help you feel that way, you can shift it again and again until you
get the desired result. If you repeat I am rich again and again with disbelief,
it actually puts more emphasis and energy on the fact that you don’t believe
it, and reinforcing you not being rich.
If the universe speaks in energy, and you repeat an
affirmation that you don’t believe in, it will get lost in the sea of useless
thoughts we have floating around our brain throughout the day, if you have
tried meditation you will know how many of those we have in ten minutes. That
is why the words aren’t as important as how we feel. If we can create an
affirmation that moves us from feeling shitty to feeling lighter, better,
happier and allows us to energetically align with the feeling we want to have
we can start to create the life experiences we want. If saying ‘not suffering’
makes you feel better over ‘happy and content’ use it, and when it stops helping
you feel better move on to something that does. And please, for the love of
yourself, stop thinking that the universe is a bully who won’t help you if you
don’t say the right password, it is way more aware, loving and incredible than
that, and so are you.
Thursday 11 June 2015
My Spiritual Journey
I’ve been on it for so long its hard to know where to start.
I was always a really sensitive kid, I just didn’t know that I was an empath
and it was energy that I was sensitive to. I used to hear things at night that I
couldn’t explain ( like people talking – I used to think it was the TV and I would
go to turn it off but it wouldn’t be on in the first place, or the sound of a
snow shovel in the middle of summer). I knew what people were feeling, even if
they were in complete denial about it. I sometimes knew things before they
happened, and I had plenty of déjà vu experiences. So I was always curious
about death, ghosts and what happens after. Truthfully most of the stuff that I
could connect to were fiction, and were always really scary, which is still
something that affects us a lot today – most of the ghost related stuff are
still fear based with the exception of mediums (who I am super grateful for).
When I was young, I occasionally attended a Christian church
with friends which I found really interesting, until it got to the part about
if someone doesn’t believe in God or Jesus then they are going to go to hell. I
didn’t know if my parents believed in god, and I started to suspect they didn’t,
which terrified me in the beginning, then made me think about how ridiculous that
sounded. They are good people, why wouldn’t they go to a good place after they
pass!?! Then I got to thinking about the
suffering in the world and if there was a god, why isn’t he doing something
about it!?! So I full on rebelled from religion, and I got douchey about it in
my teens and probably into my early 20’s I would willingly debate religion and
put down others beliefs in it because ‘ I thought it was stupid’. Not a shining
moment in my past! I realize now that it was because I wanted to be connected
to god, but I felt like I wasn’t able to fulfill my end of some crazy bargain,
like I didn’t get the rule book that made sense, and I didn’t have healthy
examples of religious people to be guided by. That phase in my life was a great
blessing, it taught me to question, not only what religion was, but who I am
and what feels right for me.
Around the age of 15 I got my first healing massage, and it
set my life on a great course. I started to explore alternative healing,
massage, energy work, intuition and psychic ability. There is a common thread
that links them all together and that is spirituality, it allowed me to seek
spirituality without reading religious texts, and gave me my first sense of
direction of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I also started to get
interested in Runes and Tarot cards and found that I had a knack for reading
them. Truthfully I thought that everyone could, because it seemed rather easy,
but I was told by my mom that that wasn’t true, not everyone could. In my early
20’s I saw my first professional psychic on a bit of a whim, and she led me to my
first big awakening. She told me more about myself then my closest friends even
knew about me, and she also told me that I was gifted in that line of work, and
I could speak to deities, which led me to delve deeper into who and what I was.
One night I decided to try automatic writing, which was a weird and amazing
experience, and I still to this day use it as a tool to connect with my divine
crew so I can receive guidance when I need it. However, it freaked me out for a
while in the beginning, and it took me quite sometime to be able to do it
comfortably, and without massive headaches, and without being scared of it.
From that point on I dabbled in and out of my practices and my curiosities,
each relationship that I got into, I would toss my seeking on the back burner
and pretended that I wasn’t as spiritual as I really was; every time I got out
of a relationship, I would pick it right back up again. Then I started taking
alternative healing classes (Acupressure, Reiki, Reflexology, Rayid, Massage,
Ear Candling, numerology, and other various weekend workshops and seminars) which were amazing and helped me bring that side of me out into
the world a little more. Eventually I started my own practice so I could create
a hybrid of a session that brought in physical healing with energy, intuition,
and truthfully I would sneak in spirituality anywhere I could.
Then, at 31, I went to Bali and shit got real. I went heart
first into some serious spiritual awakening. You can get all the details HERE
there was so much that I experienced that changed me, but most importantly it
led me home. While I was there I set the very purposeful intention that I wanted
to bring the ability to have those experiences back to the west, I wanted to
find a way to guide other people to connect with the very core of their being,
the place in their heart that their home resides, without having to necessarily
go to Bali. Though hopefully there will be retreats that I guide there in my
future too.
When I got home I came back different, but I was more
authentic and whole then when I had left. I can no longer hide my spiritual
side, mostly because it isn’t a side of me anymore, it just is. I just am.
Since then, I can honestly say I love more, me, life, family, friends, strangers,
all experiences (even the less fun ones), really everything. Everything seems a whole lot lighter, clearer
and calmer, and life seems to make a whole lot more sense now then it ever did
before.
I also have my own coach, an incredible community with lots
of support and love, a clear purpose to bring spirituality, truth, clarity and
love to anyone who is ready to take this journey, and the deepest desire to
continue my own evolution, and the drive to continue to do so.
Saturday 31 January 2015
The Bliss of Floating (why I float)
I went to a silent retreat that ended up not being all that silent, the time I was most looking forward to being in silence was at night, but I ended up in a room with a couple of not so quiet snorers which tossed that idea out rather quickly, but led me to the realization that I just want to be in a space of silence for awhile. Which got me thinking about the sensory deprivation tanks and whether or not Calgary even had them, luckily enough I voiced it to the lovely person I went to the retreat with and two weeks later she forwarded me an email about her former co-worker who started a floating company (thank you universe!) called One Love Float. So I immediately booked in for my first floating session.
At One Love, you have the option of an open float or a closed float, I chose open in the beginning because I have had challenges with claustrophobia before and I didn't entirely know how I'd react to being in a small box in the dark (they are actually really quite spacious). All it took was one float to know I was hooked. To be in a space that is in absolute silence and darkness that also allows the body to let go, to surrender, relax and allow the water to fully support you is amazing, And I loved it. The second float I went in the closed tank, and fell even more deeply in love with floating, the closed tank is really amazing and I have always felt safe and content in it.
When I float the depth of where my mind and soul go is indescribable, I feel like I can connect to the deepest parts of myself that I didn't even know existed anymore. Time has this magical way of ceasing to exist, I never know if I have been in there for minutes or days! I can reach a deeper state of meditation because I don't feel any of the pain or pressure within my body that can often bring my consciousness back into my mind/surroundings. Through the deeper states of meditation I often experience some really profound healing and shifting within the tank, new awareness and consciousness can come through while all my other senses are temporarily on a blissful break, and with each float I come out more connected, grounded, and filled with a sense of joy, love, contentment and bliss.
I have committed myself to going once a month for continuing my self love regiment. and I highly recommend giving it a try!
At One Love, you have the option of an open float or a closed float, I chose open in the beginning because I have had challenges with claustrophobia before and I didn't entirely know how I'd react to being in a small box in the dark (they are actually really quite spacious). All it took was one float to know I was hooked. To be in a space that is in absolute silence and darkness that also allows the body to let go, to surrender, relax and allow the water to fully support you is amazing, And I loved it. The second float I went in the closed tank, and fell even more deeply in love with floating, the closed tank is really amazing and I have always felt safe and content in it.
When I float the depth of where my mind and soul go is indescribable, I feel like I can connect to the deepest parts of myself that I didn't even know existed anymore. Time has this magical way of ceasing to exist, I never know if I have been in there for minutes or days! I can reach a deeper state of meditation because I don't feel any of the pain or pressure within my body that can often bring my consciousness back into my mind/surroundings. Through the deeper states of meditation I often experience some really profound healing and shifting within the tank, new awareness and consciousness can come through while all my other senses are temporarily on a blissful break, and with each float I come out more connected, grounded, and filled with a sense of joy, love, contentment and bliss.
I have committed myself to going once a month for continuing my self love regiment. and I highly recommend giving it a try!
Monday 10 November 2014
My Journey of Awakening in Bali
I recently traveled to Bali, Indonesia and did a one week spiritual retreat that allowed me to find my home within my soul, fill me with unconditional love and compassion, and awaken my wisdom and healing gifts even more. I want to start this off by saying the amazing group of people that were with me on this journey made it all the more magical, and I have fallen in love with each of them in their own way and I am in awe and in the deepest sense of gratitude that I got to share in the experience of this awakening with them, The buddies that I had were particularly amazing and the unconditional love and support shared will stay with me for a lifetime! That being said I am doing my best to keep this blog to my personal experiences, but they most certainly were a huge part of it too.
Before going to Bali, I knew this was going to be a big holy shi.. experience, so much so that I didn't even want to think about it, and knew that I was just going to go with it and let whatever happened happen. I didn't want to think about it too much because I am pretty sure I could have thought myself right out of it! Bali is a really incredible place, where the veil is pretty much non existent - and what I mean when I say veil is the spiritual one, where spirits really do exist and are present in a palpable way, magic really can happen, the divine is tangible and all of it is ordinary! The following is the summary of my experiences, they are entirely truthful accounts of what happened and how I've awakened.
Our journey began at these amazing cleansing pools at Pura Tirta Empul, we were guided by the lovely Nik Starr, a Hindu Priestess. She showed us the ways to properly give an offering, how to receive a blessing, very importantly the etiquette of being in temples, and how to go through each water spout and what each one represented (purifying the aura, each chakra, masculine, feminine, love, gratitude, receiving a blessing). It was a really neat experience, I enjoyed it, and I loved the holy fish that were swimming around. I didn't always feel something as I went under each one, and what I did feel was very subtle, and at the end of it I felt really peaceful and relaxed.
The next place was Gunung Kwai where we were lead through a meditation while sitting on hot stones and in the sun. It was not the easiest meditation for me to get through, but I know the importance of getting really deeply grounded and connected to earth energy when going into work like this. We then went further into the grounds and went through the offering process again and received a blessing, then we went to the secret cave of the kings. As we were sitting across from the entrance of this cave, I started to feel a little nauseous, Nik explained that she was getting permission from the Kings to go into the cave, and I really hoped that we wouldn't get it, but we did. As we stood and started to line up to go into the cave a wave of energy washed over me and I felt like I was going to be sick, I grabbed a facilitator and asked where to go, because I really didn't want to vomit on something holy or sacred, and she led me out of that space, and as I got further away from it, I began to feel better. She asked if I was sick sick or energy sick, I have never experienced energy sickness like this before, I have been around places that I have felt a bit uncomfortable in, but never this overwhelmed or this kind of response. As we were talking I understood that I was afraid to go in because I knew that I wouldn't be the same person coming out as I was going in. So I went in anyway! As we got back closer to it I began to get teary (but no more nausea!) and I went in and joined the meditation.
This was the first awakening moment for me, the first thing that I heard was "welcome home" and had the feeling of excitement from the spirits of the Kings that I was there. I lay down on the stone floor I easily went into the meditation, each person had their own unique experience with it, and though I know it was guided, I can't recall a word of it until we were ready to receive a gift. For me I went through this incarnation, I left my body and went where ever it is that my soul resides, there was another being with me that was helping me to get ready to come back into human existence, and I wasn't 100% ready to do so, mostly because I knew that I had to leave a piece of myself behind in order to be able to learn how to live in and fit in the world as best I could. Then I came back down and the first thing I saw was the blurry sight of my parents looking down at me, this is when we were guided to receive a gift from the Kings, and I put my hands out and the piece of me that I left behind was the gift that I got from them. I was able to place it into the baby version of myself, like it has always been there, and allow it to be activated now in my present time. This made me cry, both the feeling of coming home and the feeling of becoming whole, it was amazing.
The next day we did a sound healing meditation, that involved instruments, singing, natural essences and colored scarves. I got a light pink scarf and a magenta scarf placed on me, and the meanings behind them were pink for unconditional love, and magenta for connection to ancestors, which made a lot of sense for me, my great grandmother was a shaman and her wisdom got lost in the last few generations, I was then told that I would get symbols and signs that would be unique to me, which was very interesting.
The next day was Margo's painting/color therapy workshop that I loved, we got to paint our chakras on life size papers with the outline of our bodies from just below the hips to just above the head. I haven't painted a thing since I was really really young, so connecting with painting was really great, again it was easy to slip into a meditative state and just go with it as we were given each color. The result of the painting was amazing, for me to see what was on the inside, fully on the outside was eye opening. I honestly have it up on a wall in my house to keep me reminded of how amazing my energy is. It was also the first time I really saw the Shamanistic qualities coming out. We also had a lovely Oracle Paula Shaw come in an talk to us about intuition and did a singular card reading for each of us. I got the Evolution card which made sense for me as this trip was really about my evolution as a person, as a healer, as a soul. She told me that she sensed Shaman energy with me, and touched on the evolution is also in a global way of bringing in new energies and new ways which resonated a lot as well!
Then came another big outing day! This was truly a really big day for me, we went to a traditional healer Tjakorda Rai which was not only amazing to get a one on one session with him, but to witness what he does was mind opening for me. When it was my turn I went up, he sits in his chair and goes through different acupressure points around the head and ears and finds the painful ones. I had two on the top of my head, he said it was stress, not from love but from work, he told me it is important for me to take care of myself and take energy in so I can give energy out. I also need to get out of the emotions of everything and out of ego. Which was so incredibly profound and simple at the same time. I really understood that I need to let go of wanting to take on others pain and suffering to help them feel better, and to stop going into and feeling the emotions of other people as they go through their journey's. I know I can listen with compassion, but I don't have to go into and feel their emotions within myself, when I do that it is feeding my ego, This was a really powerful moment for me, to really know grasp the understanding of what this meant for me and how I understood how to move forward with being a healer in the healthiest way possible for me. I also made the commitment to myself to devote myself to my journey and my self care and knowing that that actually takes precedence over everything else in my life, and when I do that, everything else will naturally fall into harmonious place.
Our next visit was to Jero Ayu, this beautiful woman who channels the spirit of Quan Yin who is the Goddess of compassion and healing. She was amazing, we began with her opening our hearts so she came to each one of us and placed her hand on our heart. When she got to me my heart was pounding so hard beneath my chest, and there was nothing I could do to slow it down or to change it at all, when placed her hand on my heart she said (it was translated for us) that I have a very strong heart and it needed to come out and through, she tilted my chin back so I was looking up and ran her hands along the side of my head and upwards, she also hit me in the back with a rock! But instantly the my strong pounding heart eased, and I felt calm and at peace. She then got us all to dance and one by one she would bring us back over to the spot where we could lie down and meditate, She came to me and placed her forehead to mine and we spent a blissful moment like that and then I was guided to go lie down. I tried really hard to get into meditation at this point but I just couldn't close my eyes, and after a short period of time I started staring at the ceiling, which was covered in red fabrics, and between two lanterns, written on the fabric, was my name. I shit you not. My name. The C was mostly gone, but the larissa was clearly there, and not there in the spirit sense, but in the physical real world. I wigged out about this for a while. Then Jero came over and placed two fingers over my sacral chakra which I could feel was blocked and then gently removed them and I was able to go into a deep meditation that began with me feeling like my mind had opened up and all I could see was blue sky and clouds within my mind that was bordered by a stone frame, it felt like a portal. Her helper was also a beautiful energy, she placed her hands gently on my feet which helped to deepen it as well. I went into the energy of my chakras and I saw them very differently then I have ever seen them, there were gold symbols surrounding each one and gold rods that were going through them, and then there were many chakras that ran in a line below my root chakra and above my crown chakra all with the same strange symbols around them, these symbols and their energy moved outwards to envelop me and I had the very distinct awareness that I am Infinite. Before coming back out from the meditation, this energy and the symbols became part of my auric field and when I tuned into that energy I could still sense them, it was amazing!! ( I am in the process of painting these symbols now!) Once the meditation was done, she talked more about compassion and balancing head and heart, and after thanking people for bringing us and translating, she looked at me and said that I've loved deep in my heart and she hopes that I will continue to come out, and she knows I will because she can see it in my smile. She then opened it up to questions. So both times she spoke to me, it was only to me, she didn't specifically give a message to anyone else in the group. At first it I just thought of it as this really amazingly compassionate and kind lady talked to me, and after some processing I realized that it was the Goddess Quan Yin that intentionally talked to me, and that is really important for me to acknowledge that, honor and celebrate it. Wow!
The final experience was with Ida Resi a high priestess for a water purification/blessing. We start in meditation/prayer and setting the intention of what we want released, which for me was fear of stepping into my own greatness and power as a healer, as a shaman, as a guru. When I went up for it, I was with the best buddy possible, and not a lot happened for me, my hands went really numb, I really didn't feel like I needed to make any sound, and it was over fairly quickly. She then told us to go over and stand in the sun and stretch our bodies. When I looked down there was a beautiful green dragonfly attached to my sarong, I thought that it was stuck there because it got wet, so my buddy handed me a towel so I could dry my hands off enough to help it out. So I sat down and the dragonfly and I just stared at each other. I then realized that it had a small brown spider that was attached to its leg (which I am fearful of spiders) and that was the reason it was stuck and couldn't fly. I ended up using a water bottle lid to get the spider off, and my buddy helped to get it off of me, where I was guided to kill it. Then I waited, while still staring into the dragonfly's eyes, and slowly it began to wiggle its tail and its wings, then after some time it took a few steps forward, then a few more, then I placed my hand out for it and it walked into the palm of my hand, where I raised it up to eye level and thanked it for its message and sent it pure love and gratitude, and the moment I was done it flew off. I don't think the universe/divine could have been more clear in this experience. My fears were small and insignificant, and now that they are released (and smashing them) I am free to fly.
Now that I have been home for a couple of weeks things are settling in, and though I didn't know if I could take the experiences from Bali and have them be applicable here, I've really come to realize that that is my new ordinary. Magic, Compassion, Love are all parts of my daily life, and I am excited about where my journey is going to continue to take me, and what living life with a very thin veil looks like. and how I can help others bring this same ordinariness into their own lives.
What a trip!
Before going to Bali, I knew this was going to be a big holy shi.. experience, so much so that I didn't even want to think about it, and knew that I was just going to go with it and let whatever happened happen. I didn't want to think about it too much because I am pretty sure I could have thought myself right out of it! Bali is a really incredible place, where the veil is pretty much non existent - and what I mean when I say veil is the spiritual one, where spirits really do exist and are present in a palpable way, magic really can happen, the divine is tangible and all of it is ordinary! The following is the summary of my experiences, they are entirely truthful accounts of what happened and how I've awakened.
Our journey began at these amazing cleansing pools at Pura Tirta Empul, we were guided by the lovely Nik Starr, a Hindu Priestess. She showed us the ways to properly give an offering, how to receive a blessing, very importantly the etiquette of being in temples, and how to go through each water spout and what each one represented (purifying the aura, each chakra, masculine, feminine, love, gratitude, receiving a blessing). It was a really neat experience, I enjoyed it, and I loved the holy fish that were swimming around. I didn't always feel something as I went under each one, and what I did feel was very subtle, and at the end of it I felt really peaceful and relaxed.
The next place was Gunung Kwai where we were lead through a meditation while sitting on hot stones and in the sun. It was not the easiest meditation for me to get through, but I know the importance of getting really deeply grounded and connected to earth energy when going into work like this. We then went further into the grounds and went through the offering process again and received a blessing, then we went to the secret cave of the kings. As we were sitting across from the entrance of this cave, I started to feel a little nauseous, Nik explained that she was getting permission from the Kings to go into the cave, and I really hoped that we wouldn't get it, but we did. As we stood and started to line up to go into the cave a wave of energy washed over me and I felt like I was going to be sick, I grabbed a facilitator and asked where to go, because I really didn't want to vomit on something holy or sacred, and she led me out of that space, and as I got further away from it, I began to feel better. She asked if I was sick sick or energy sick, I have never experienced energy sickness like this before, I have been around places that I have felt a bit uncomfortable in, but never this overwhelmed or this kind of response. As we were talking I understood that I was afraid to go in because I knew that I wouldn't be the same person coming out as I was going in. So I went in anyway! As we got back closer to it I began to get teary (but no more nausea!) and I went in and joined the meditation.
This was the first awakening moment for me, the first thing that I heard was "welcome home" and had the feeling of excitement from the spirits of the Kings that I was there. I lay down on the stone floor I easily went into the meditation, each person had their own unique experience with it, and though I know it was guided, I can't recall a word of it until we were ready to receive a gift. For me I went through this incarnation, I left my body and went where ever it is that my soul resides, there was another being with me that was helping me to get ready to come back into human existence, and I wasn't 100% ready to do so, mostly because I knew that I had to leave a piece of myself behind in order to be able to learn how to live in and fit in the world as best I could. Then I came back down and the first thing I saw was the blurry sight of my parents looking down at me, this is when we were guided to receive a gift from the Kings, and I put my hands out and the piece of me that I left behind was the gift that I got from them. I was able to place it into the baby version of myself, like it has always been there, and allow it to be activated now in my present time. This made me cry, both the feeling of coming home and the feeling of becoming whole, it was amazing.
The next day we did a sound healing meditation, that involved instruments, singing, natural essences and colored scarves. I got a light pink scarf and a magenta scarf placed on me, and the meanings behind them were pink for unconditional love, and magenta for connection to ancestors, which made a lot of sense for me, my great grandmother was a shaman and her wisdom got lost in the last few generations, I was then told that I would get symbols and signs that would be unique to me, which was very interesting.
The next day was Margo's painting/color therapy workshop that I loved, we got to paint our chakras on life size papers with the outline of our bodies from just below the hips to just above the head. I haven't painted a thing since I was really really young, so connecting with painting was really great, again it was easy to slip into a meditative state and just go with it as we were given each color. The result of the painting was amazing, for me to see what was on the inside, fully on the outside was eye opening. I honestly have it up on a wall in my house to keep me reminded of how amazing my energy is. It was also the first time I really saw the Shamanistic qualities coming out. We also had a lovely Oracle Paula Shaw come in an talk to us about intuition and did a singular card reading for each of us. I got the Evolution card which made sense for me as this trip was really about my evolution as a person, as a healer, as a soul. She told me that she sensed Shaman energy with me, and touched on the evolution is also in a global way of bringing in new energies and new ways which resonated a lot as well!
Then came another big outing day! This was truly a really big day for me, we went to a traditional healer Tjakorda Rai which was not only amazing to get a one on one session with him, but to witness what he does was mind opening for me. When it was my turn I went up, he sits in his chair and goes through different acupressure points around the head and ears and finds the painful ones. I had two on the top of my head, he said it was stress, not from love but from work, he told me it is important for me to take care of myself and take energy in so I can give energy out. I also need to get out of the emotions of everything and out of ego. Which was so incredibly profound and simple at the same time. I really understood that I need to let go of wanting to take on others pain and suffering to help them feel better, and to stop going into and feeling the emotions of other people as they go through their journey's. I know I can listen with compassion, but I don't have to go into and feel their emotions within myself, when I do that it is feeding my ego, This was a really powerful moment for me, to really know grasp the understanding of what this meant for me and how I understood how to move forward with being a healer in the healthiest way possible for me. I also made the commitment to myself to devote myself to my journey and my self care and knowing that that actually takes precedence over everything else in my life, and when I do that, everything else will naturally fall into harmonious place.
Our next visit was to Jero Ayu, this beautiful woman who channels the spirit of Quan Yin who is the Goddess of compassion and healing. She was amazing, we began with her opening our hearts so she came to each one of us and placed her hand on our heart. When she got to me my heart was pounding so hard beneath my chest, and there was nothing I could do to slow it down or to change it at all, when placed her hand on my heart she said (it was translated for us) that I have a very strong heart and it needed to come out and through, she tilted my chin back so I was looking up and ran her hands along the side of my head and upwards, she also hit me in the back with a rock! But instantly the my strong pounding heart eased, and I felt calm and at peace. She then got us all to dance and one by one she would bring us back over to the spot where we could lie down and meditate, She came to me and placed her forehead to mine and we spent a blissful moment like that and then I was guided to go lie down. I tried really hard to get into meditation at this point but I just couldn't close my eyes, and after a short period of time I started staring at the ceiling, which was covered in red fabrics, and between two lanterns, written on the fabric, was my name. I shit you not. My name. The C was mostly gone, but the larissa was clearly there, and not there in the spirit sense, but in the physical real world. I wigged out about this for a while. Then Jero came over and placed two fingers over my sacral chakra which I could feel was blocked and then gently removed them and I was able to go into a deep meditation that began with me feeling like my mind had opened up and all I could see was blue sky and clouds within my mind that was bordered by a stone frame, it felt like a portal. Her helper was also a beautiful energy, she placed her hands gently on my feet which helped to deepen it as well. I went into the energy of my chakras and I saw them very differently then I have ever seen them, there were gold symbols surrounding each one and gold rods that were going through them, and then there were many chakras that ran in a line below my root chakra and above my crown chakra all with the same strange symbols around them, these symbols and their energy moved outwards to envelop me and I had the very distinct awareness that I am Infinite. Before coming back out from the meditation, this energy and the symbols became part of my auric field and when I tuned into that energy I could still sense them, it was amazing!! ( I am in the process of painting these symbols now!) Once the meditation was done, she talked more about compassion and balancing head and heart, and after thanking people for bringing us and translating, she looked at me and said that I've loved deep in my heart and she hopes that I will continue to come out, and she knows I will because she can see it in my smile. She then opened it up to questions. So both times she spoke to me, it was only to me, she didn't specifically give a message to anyone else in the group. At first it I just thought of it as this really amazingly compassionate and kind lady talked to me, and after some processing I realized that it was the Goddess Quan Yin that intentionally talked to me, and that is really important for me to acknowledge that, honor and celebrate it. Wow!
The final experience was with Ida Resi a high priestess for a water purification/blessing. We start in meditation/prayer and setting the intention of what we want released, which for me was fear of stepping into my own greatness and power as a healer, as a shaman, as a guru. When I went up for it, I was with the best buddy possible, and not a lot happened for me, my hands went really numb, I really didn't feel like I needed to make any sound, and it was over fairly quickly. She then told us to go over and stand in the sun and stretch our bodies. When I looked down there was a beautiful green dragonfly attached to my sarong, I thought that it was stuck there because it got wet, so my buddy handed me a towel so I could dry my hands off enough to help it out. So I sat down and the dragonfly and I just stared at each other. I then realized that it had a small brown spider that was attached to its leg (which I am fearful of spiders) and that was the reason it was stuck and couldn't fly. I ended up using a water bottle lid to get the spider off, and my buddy helped to get it off of me, where I was guided to kill it. Then I waited, while still staring into the dragonfly's eyes, and slowly it began to wiggle its tail and its wings, then after some time it took a few steps forward, then a few more, then I placed my hand out for it and it walked into the palm of my hand, where I raised it up to eye level and thanked it for its message and sent it pure love and gratitude, and the moment I was done it flew off. I don't think the universe/divine could have been more clear in this experience. My fears were small and insignificant, and now that they are released (and smashing them) I am free to fly.
Now that I have been home for a couple of weeks things are settling in, and though I didn't know if I could take the experiences from Bali and have them be applicable here, I've really come to realize that that is my new ordinary. Magic, Compassion, Love are all parts of my daily life, and I am excited about where my journey is going to continue to take me, and what living life with a very thin veil looks like. and how I can help others bring this same ordinariness into their own lives.
What a trip!
Friday 5 September 2014
Bridging the Gap
As I have moved forward with creating a more holistic session with Fusion Massage Therapy I have come to realize a few things, the first being that I am bridging the gap from traditional Western techniques and traditional "woo-woo" techniques ( I like to think I'm helping to create the woo west :)) At one point massage was considered woo-woo and was really only for relaxation and pampering purposes, and we now know that it is actually quite an important piece of the self care puzzle, and it helps to relieve pain, improve the immune system, improve mobility, along with creating a better sense of peace and relaxation, so in other words really working with the body. The traditional ancient/sacred healing and intuitive practices that are also brought into a Fusion session are there to work with everything else, the mind, the spirit, the energy that makes up us as a whole being. It addresses the underlying causes for discomfort, releases the blocks that are in the way of living the best life possible, and allowing the whole to heal in a natural and safe way. They may seem wooy but these are the practices that have been around far longer than the Western techniques, and to bring together both sides into one balanced session, simply allows for a more whole and deep healing experience, and best of all, it feels amazing!
My passion for both sides of the healing spectrum has led me to create Omnia to be a safe space where deep healing can happen, and create a session that allows the same. Each Fusion session isn't about what you have to do differently, it isn't about becoming a gluten-free, hemp wearing vegan (which I am not, but it's great if that's what resonates with you) and it isn't about needing to change your lifestyle to fit an idea of what living the good life is unless of course, it is your idea. It is about reconnecting with exactly who you are and what that looks like for you, and that is unique to you. That is why each session is unique to each individual, though the massage aspect of a Fusion session is quite standard, what comes up otherwise for each person is unique to them. Which I go over with each person to end the session!
Ultimately I just wanted these healing practices to be accessible to everyone, and to create something that retains its comfort level while helping to co-create lasting change and wellness. Truthfully I'm really grateful to be healing the gap in this bridge.
My passion for both sides of the healing spectrum has led me to create Omnia to be a safe space where deep healing can happen, and create a session that allows the same. Each Fusion session isn't about what you have to do differently, it isn't about becoming a gluten-free, hemp wearing vegan (which I am not, but it's great if that's what resonates with you) and it isn't about needing to change your lifestyle to fit an idea of what living the good life is unless of course, it is your idea. It is about reconnecting with exactly who you are and what that looks like for you, and that is unique to you. That is why each session is unique to each individual, though the massage aspect of a Fusion session is quite standard, what comes up otherwise for each person is unique to them. Which I go over with each person to end the session!
Ultimately I just wanted these healing practices to be accessible to everyone, and to create something that retains its comfort level while helping to co-create lasting change and wellness. Truthfully I'm really grateful to be healing the gap in this bridge.
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